During a divorce a mother rights to custody and visitation used to be deemed as most important. It was unusual for a Mother not to gain custody, or at the very least joint custody. No longer.
Today the court bases their decision on who gains custody on what they believe is in the best interest of the child. Rarely is it the mother who always has the biggest say in deciding what's best. During divorce, well informed ex-husbands have learned to manipulate the system in order to make them appear more stable candidates for gaining custody and raising their child.
Fathers have hired expert divorce attorneys who convince the court that the mother is incapable of providing monetary support, that she neglects her children, that she works too much and even that she is unstable to look after her offspring. Many mothers are so shocked by the accusations being levelled at them by someone they used to love. They do not realize how important it is to understand in advance how the system works and fight back.
When mothers allow the husband to take control and paint them negatively in court they also help the father to turn the child against the mother, significantly reducing the chances of gaining custody.
Most mothers know that in divorce the child is looking for someone to blame and the mother is commonly accused of being the reason the relationship did not work out. The father can and will use the child's feelings to assure the child that they should side with them in the divorce. The child begins to act out, misbehave in school, lash out at the mother while only showing respect for the father and what he has to say. Such behavior may make the court think the father is truly the best option for providing a stable home environment for the child.
What further frustrates the case for women who are unsuccessful at gaining custody during the first round is trying to win custody by going back to court again when a few months or a year has gone by. Mistakenly believing that by letting some time pass the child and the father will be more reasonable. Wrong.
By giving up the original battle for custody, mothers will cement in the child's mind that the father is the parent who loves him or her the most. Increasingly, the father typically moves on and begins dating again or gets remarried. This new woman often tries to get between mother and child, even going so far as to get the child to start calling her mother. Courts may look at this established relationship and mistakenly believe that this two parent home is more beneficial for the child's security.
By gaining custody you will be sure that your child is growing up in a loving and supportive home. In today's age of the internet, with access to so much helpful information at your fingertips, there is no excuse. There are now time saving checklists available from respected specialists which are full of practical, tried and tested suggestions specifically aimed at making sure you gain the custody or visitation plan you want after a divorce.
Instead of feeling guilty about the relationship breaking up, get proactive from the start. Tell your child how much you love them and make sure you do not allow the father or anyone else to use the child as a pawn. If there are concerns that the father is unstable, abusive, cheating or engaging in any risky or dangerous behaviors that could put your child in danger, be sure to bring this to the judge's attention.
If you really want to be successful in gaining custody of your child, instead of leaving it to chance, or basing it on who has the most expensive lawyer, prepare yourself better than your ex.
Don't let a lack of knowledge about how the judge decides, or how to best present your case, get in the way of what you truly deserve. Know your rights and understand the system. Getting the best help you can isn't just limited to the best lawyer you can afford.
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