Abuse and Divorce - What Are You Wanting to Win

Abuse and Divorce - What Are You Wanting to Win in Your Divorce

How do you define a true "win" in a domestic violence divorce? Some people will tell you that it's all about custody; others will say it has more to do with finances. Then, there are those that just want their spouse to "pay" for their pain. For me, it is about breaking the cycle of domestic abuse.

Family Court and Domestic Violence e


While many domestic violence survivors share my belief, many of them expect the court to break the cycle of abuse for them. They go into the system anticipating that divorce court is there to protect them from domestic abuse.

And then, as they are busily preparing for their "justice," they stumble upon one ploy after another that their opposition employs to further engage the abuse dynamic. For example, they see the attorneys positioning to establish the foundation for a clear custody litigation advantage, typically for the controlling litigant.

It could be that counsel encourages you to keep the children away from their emotionally abusive parent...all while laying the foundation for parental alienation. This then becomes the cornerstone argument to favor the alienated parent in custody litigation.

Or, it might be that your own attorney suggests that you display all of your pain and the impact of the family violence to you for the court to see...all while establishing solid evidence of your mental instability. This, of course, becomes the grounds for severing your custodial rights.

The ploys are as varied as the people playing. But one thing is for sure, if you are "fighting" in court, you are probably entangled in the control dynamics of legal domestic abuse.

Now, this doesn't mean that a legal action and litigation is not appropriate in cases required to protect your safety and that of your children. What it means is that the war and the win are not about breaking the cycle of domestic abuse.

Breaking the Cycle of Domestic Abuse

What is at the heart of breaking the cycle of abuse? Releasing control of the tug-of-war. I liken this to leaving "one hand clapping." Ask yourself what is the sound of one hand clapping? The absence of sound!

In that silence, is the freedom of breaking the cycle of abuse! You are not pushing against, nor are you being pounded upon. Instead, you remain available to be yourself and serve your highest good.

So, how do you inspire this interruption of the cycle of abuse while standing at the threshold of divorce court? You open your eyes wide, educate yourself thoroughly, and never lose sight of what's best for you and your children in the long run.

I'm reminded of a quote attributed to Mother Teresa, closing with: "In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."

For more insights supporting you in breaking the cycle of domestic abuse, visit somekeyword and step into finding freedom from abuse. Psychologist Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people worldwide end and heal from domestic abuse. Jeanne King, Ph.D. - Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention